THE FOOT FETISH CLUB

A man belongs to a foot fetish club. His girlfriend knows about his predilection and says that he can give a picture of her feet to the other people in the club. He does and they agree that they are the best feet ever. So he goes home and realizes that he mixed up his girlfriend's picture with one of his mother's feet.

He goes back to the club the next day and says, "Guys! I'm afraid we got off on the wrong foot yesterday!"

TIGER'S BALLS

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replies Tiger. "Well, what on God's green earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.

"Fookin' Jaysus," says the Irishman. "Them BMW people thinks of everything!"

SCOTLAND OR WALES

Three hefty women walk into a restaurant and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they are done ordering, he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"

One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"

The man replied, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"

TWO ELDERLY SMOKERS

Two elderly ladies are smoking outside when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea, so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms for herself. When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the young cashier for a pack of condoms. He looks at her rather disgustedly and asks her what kind she wants.

She replies, "Honey, it doesn't matter what kind as long as they fit a camel."

ON A DEER ROLL

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One deer turns to the other and says, "Man! I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there!"

THE DEER HUNTER

Two hunters are walking through the forest. One hunter says to the other, "DUCK! THERE'S A DEER BEHIND YOU!" The other hunter, however, does not duck and is subsequently shot. He falls to the ground and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1. Before the operator can say anything, the man screams, "HELP! HELP! I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!" The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually is dead." Another gunshot rings through the forest.

The hunter then asks, "What should I do now?"

A NEW BRA

A scientist wanted to develop a bra that stops women's boobs from bouncing while running and doesn't show nipples when wet.

DON'T PANIC! We killed the son of a bitch!