HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON

Mrs. Green lived with her children in a big two-story house and rented the upstairs to an elderly widow. After not hearing from the old lady in a few days, the woman asked her 10 year old son, "Johnny, do me a favor and go find out how old Mrs. Robinson is." Up the stairs went Johnny. When he came back downstairs, she asked, "So how is she?" "HOW IS SHE?" Johnny replied. "I've never seen her so mad in all my life. She said it's none of your damn business how old she is!"

MARVIN'S FUNERAL

Marvin was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called in Marvin's preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the preacher stood by the bed, Marvin's condition seemed to deteriorate. Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The preacher got the pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. Marvin scribbled a short message and then handed the paper back to the preacher. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The preacher felt that now was not the right time to read the message, so he put it in his jacket pocket.

It was at the funeral that the preacher, while speaking, suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket, the preacher said, "And you know what! I suddenly remembered that right before he died, Marvin handed me this note. Knowing Marvin, I'm sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from." With that introduction the preacher ripped out the note, opened it, and read:

HEY, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU'RE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!"

TWO FRIENDS

Two men have been friends for years. One is a lawyer, the other is a farmer. The lawyer goes out to visit the farmer for the weekend, arriving in mid afternoon. There are still many unfinished chores and the farmer doesn't have time to be a good host until the chores are done. So he says to his friend, "I'll be a couple of hours, so why don't you go shooting. Grab one of my shotguns, here's the key to my off road truck, take a few dogs with you and I'll see you in a little while."

Off goes the lawyer. Five minutes later he returns. The farmer is confused. He asks the lawyer if everything is ok. The lawyer replies, "Everything's great! This is so much fun! Do you have any more dogs?"